nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
May the power of my ass compel you!!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
