When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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