Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
