Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
