mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize