We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
