found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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