We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
