it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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