Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
All the doctor said was why
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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