What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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