you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
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