i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm having to shit out rocks
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
