proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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