ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
