i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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