dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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