Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
