I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
