And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
being pregnant is like rehab
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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