A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
