So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
This baby is an asshole
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
