Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
