I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
