So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
