I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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