I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
the day after is always just damage control
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
