So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Princesses don't give blow jobs
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
how does that bad decision feel?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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