It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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