So drunk its hurt
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
