Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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