he told me I talked like a deaf person
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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