Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
