There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
