Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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