Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
