In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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