and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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