end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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