you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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