Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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