i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
