I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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