dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
