I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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