my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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