someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
