Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
