I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
