If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
