So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
