I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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